Do you feel stuck in life?
Do you feel like you’ve grown and changed, but your partner has stayed the same?
Do you feel your life is monotonous and predictable?
Do you find yourself thinking, “if only…”
“If only I didn’t get married, I’d be able to …”
“If only I had more freedom, I’d accomplish…”
These are incredibly common questions when you’ve been in a relationship for an extended period of time. The thing to know is that it’s simply a mind-set and can be changed. What I mean by mind-set is unless you’re physically tied down or dead, you are not stuck. Embracing the belief that things can change for the better is the first step.
Why did you get married? Did you love your partner and have an excitement about what the future would hold? Try to get back mentally to what it was like in the beginning. Most marry to have a partner, they love, to experience life with. You can get back there but it takes communication and work. Once you learn the skills to get through tough times together, it’s amazing how the relationship blossoms.
Here are some suggestions:
- Open with a positive statement. Example: “ I love you so much and want to work on making our marriage the best.”
- Ask for their help and make sure they understand how important it is. Example: “I really, really need you to help me resolve this situation I’ve been stressing with.”
- Express your emotion. Example: “I’ve been feeling extremely depressed lately.”
- State the issue. Example: “What I’ve been grappling with is feeling like our life is stuck and we don’t have a direction on where we’re going. Do you feel like this?”
This begins the conversation in a safe, non-accusatory way and opens the door to coming up with a resolve.
•Talk About Both Your Dreams: Chances are your spouse is not feeling completely fulfilled either. Use this time to talk about what each of you would love to add or change in your lives. This should be fun and interesting to discover more about each other. Think of ways you can support his/her dreams too. Ask questions to encourage the conversation. What dreams did your spouse have when growing up? What goals do you both share?
•Create a Plan:
- Decide what it will take to make you happy again? Is it a career change? Is it having more fun and excitement in life? Is it relieving financial strain? Is it moving to a different state?
- What steps need to take place to get you there? Do you need a great babysitter so you can date again to remind each other that you’re a romantic, passionate couple? Do you need to take online classes to create a career transition? Brainstorm all the steps that need to occur to get you to the end result. Make sure it’s about both of you. Include your shared dreams or something your spouse expressed deep interest in.
- Break it down into 90 day goals. This makes it more tangible and not as overwhelming to achieve.
•Big Picture: Your relationship and life will have it’s ups and downs. There’s no avoiding it. However, if you look at it from a big picture outlook it’s much easier to put things in perspective. Don’t dwell on the day to day issues. You may be a stressed out CEO today but desire to have a small bike shop. See the big picture knowing you have a plan in place and life will get better. The stress of today, will not be carried into your future life!