The book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, written by John Gray, was a smashing hit because we often are completely confused by the opposite sex. However, once we understand the other, the success of marriage, and the success in relationships, improve and might even thrive! Here is a quick list that you should study and maybe keep in your back pocket, for those moments that make no sense to you.
What Wives Want:
- Affirmation of love. Tell me and show me how much you love me.
- Understanding & forgiveness. We can be grumpy and we do make mistakes but the hormones issue may be at fault. The fact that we have a hard time shutting our brains down probably has something to do with our occasional grumpiness too.
- Conversation. Talk to us about more than the just the kids, jobs, weather. We want to be intellectually stimulated; we want to hear the funny stories the guys secretly talk about…although, some editing is probably a good idea.
- Quality Time. Make us a priority at least once a week.
- Be Positive. Too much negativity wears us down & makes you not as sexy.
- Listen! Hear us out before you respond. Even when it seems like we’re talking about something inconsequential, hear us and acknowledge us positively.
- Affection & Kindness. Open the door, say please & thank you. Be kind. Words do hurt and we might take them a little too seriously.
- Compliment Us. The power of your compliment about our abilities, appearance, and intelligence has a huge affect on our confidence and happiness! shh…it may even help you get lucky 😉
- Bonus #9 – Help Us Out. Please, please, share in household chores, responsibilities for our children, and simple things, like groceries. FACT: Men who help in household chores do enjoy better sex lives. Yes, there have been scientific studies about this!
What Husbands Want:
- Affection. Hold our hands, touch us, kiss our cheeks. Flirt with us.
- Support & Believe in Us. It’s our instinct to feel a need to protect and provide for the family. Reassure us that we are doing well and that you appreciate what we do.
- 10 Minute Rule. When we get home, we need 10 minutes to ourselves. We welcome you greeting us but please wait to tell us about problems or needs until we have our decompression time.
- Acceptance. Stop trying to change us. We will never be the same as you…and truthfully, would you really want that? Focus on our positives.
- Less Chatter. We want to listen to you but sometimes the extra ‘fill-ins’ overwhelm us. If I seem tired or extremely busy, ask me to schedule 20 minutes that I can be devoted to listening.
- Respect. Avoid the eye roll. Listen and be mindful of how you respond to me. A positive attitude is as important to me as it is to you.
- Companionship. Be my cheerleader, lover, and friend.
- Sex. I know this can seem like a chore sometimes but it’s how I connect with you. If you consistently shut me down, I do take it personally, so make sure to communicate with me. Most importantly…act like I’m the best lover ever!
Most items on each list can be applied to the opposite sex. It’s a matter of remembering to pay attention and really caring openly, about the other. These are a start to fix a marriage or to create more success in marriage. We’d love to hear what you think should be added!